First, the Monster wouldn't leave her daycare. Okay, fine. I let her play for a while. Her class starts to leave the playroom, so she throws a helmet on the floor.
"Please pick that up"
"Pick it up or Miss Karen won't let you play with it tomorrow"
"No, uppy me, Mommy"
"Pick up the helmet and put it away"
*insert 3 minute pout on the floor here*
"Fine, I'll put it away"
Okay, so it took her 5 minutes to put away the helmet. At least she put it away, right?
So we get home and what happens as soon as she gets out of the car? She falls and scrapes her knee. Awesome. Okay, spend the next 5 minutes trying to juggle my work stuff, her school stuff and her up the stairs to the apartment.
We get inside, I take off her shoes and we sit down for 2 minutes. I get up to throw something in the garbage and in the 1 minute that I walk away, she manages to spray perfume in her eyes - because she is a master climber and has figured out how to get everything off any counter or surface we have. Great, perfume in her eye and a scraped knee - neither of which she'll let me clean. I manage to get a cold paper towel on her eye for a whole minute, but she won't keep it on and she won't let me flush it. Fine.
I give up and head to the kitchen to feed and water the cats. Bad idea number 1 million. Of course she got out of her bed, walked into the kitchen, climbed on top of my work desk and broke the glass that daddy left there. Cool.
You have to be thinking "that's it", right? Well, you'd be wrong. Obviously as soon as I go to pick up the pieces of glass, she runs into the hallway and pees on the floor. Not in the toilet that's 1 foot away, but on the carpet. I finish cleaning the glass, go to clean the pee and......
She wails me in the knee with a yardstick.
At that point I just sat down on the floor and started to cry. What does the Monster say?
Don't worry, Mommy.
LOOK AT MY FUNNY FACE!